Here I go again writing what I feel. Letting the world know how much I’m struggling especially the past few days. I guess it’s good to have an outlet where you can just rant & vent but this is more like a life’s lesson learned post or whatnot. Okay, the instragram entry before this text post pretty much say it all. The blurred green dialog box & the grey one: FAWK MAN DON’T DO THAT BRO, U BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE. I actually decided to let this friend know how much I wanted him to stay at work, because his inner demons tell him he’s had enough. You can’t blame the guy, he started working there since he was 14. I guess this is me realizing the need to keep friendships that I know surely will last a lifetime, but when you’re faced with this kind of dilemma, it’s just so hard for both parties. A few weeks ago after my trip to Manila, I said goodbye again to my friends, it was so difficult but I didn’t wanna feel sad anymore because there’s nothing I could do about it. Then I come back here, seeing my friends & family again after 2 months, then HE HAS TO QUIT? That’s messed up. Another goodbye? Like I don’t get this. He’s actually one of the closest friends I have here, and we may not chill outside work as much but I’m positive that we’re G’s for life. I don’t want to hold him back that’s for sure, but I don’t want him gone too. I never felt this way towards anyone before man. I don’t wanna blame it on that girl he used to date too, she’s one of the reasons why he’s leaving because she screwed him over & we all WORK TOGETHER. So I guess keeping relationships in the workplace is difficult. I just don’t know what to do. If it’s hard for me, I’m sure it’s twice as stressful for him. I just wish he comes up with the best decision that he won’t regret. I need to stop being selfish.
I’m gonna set yall straight. Even though I feel delighted to manage my seating & everything at the airline’s website, I still am hurting inside that I’m leaving again. For the past 2 months I was here in the Philippines, seems I don’t quite know how to be the other version of myself again, I know. It’s sucky. I’m leaving in a few hours & I still haven’t finished packing. That’s how much I still wanna stay.
Think back over the last few days, - how many times have you felt appreciation towards another? How many times have you thought about another: ‘what a lovely smile’, or ‘she is so nice’, or ‘such a kind man’, or any of a myriad of other appreciative thoughts. Did you express them? Did you come up to her and say: ‘you are so nice’? And why not? Why did you stop divine grace from flowing freely from your heart? Do you want to change the world to the better? This is it, this is how you start.
My unpopular opinions.
I figured that since I’m not always part of the 99% of everything & being the 1% is kind of tough work, here are some thoughts about stuff I actually care or don’t care about.
- I don’t think Zooey Deschanel is funny at all. Too much quirkiness going on with her, it’s not even cute.
- American Idol this year is getting lamer & lamer. Not a fan of Philip Phillips anymore. Jessica is still my favorite.
- I have a really strong opinion on interracial dating which I’m not gonna further discuss because I might get bashed for it.
- While people from the Philippines believe that it’s better to move to another country to make money & be stable, I think that it’s okay to do that but you have to go back home because that I think is where our hearts always will be.
- I hate eggrolls.
- I am not a fan of ignorant trolls believing it’s not okay to be different. They just stick to being normal, I don’t think we should short change ourselves.
Time of your life.
Lately I’ve been hanging out with girls (not that it’s an issue or anything) & I must say I’m enjoying their company. They can be the meanest when we talk about other people but they say things that are supposed to be disclosed, unlike us guys we actually tend to keep shit inside, and involuntarily. We’re gonna lose our minds keeping all stuff in. Maybe that’s how we’re created.
We went to get some frappes & stated talking & talking! There were a bunch of teenagers beside our table & my friend Cess couldn’t help but eavesdrop! They were speaking English the whole time & for all we know they’re the underaged, sporty & horny ones. Then we strolled along High Street (Geez this place is the bomb, there’s nothing like it in Toronto ya knows). Then after that we shared some more stories & realizations about how life’s gonna turn out for each & every one of us. Thing is, my friends are on their way to something bright because they’re graduating & I’m not because I chose a certain way of living (I feel left out but I’m really happy for them, that’s what matters).
Best part of the night? We ran around the fountain & got soaking wet. All out of impulse. And we’re gonna do it again tomorrow night!!! If you’re at High Street tomorrow at 6-ish & you see a bunch of kids dancing around looking all crazy & stupid, I am one of them. Say hello okay?
Okay I’m gonna set yall straight. I went back to Manila for a number of valid reasons: I miss my grandma so much, I wanna take a break from the routine I have back in Toronto, I wanna see my friends & relatives, and because I want a sign whether God wants me here or he wants He wants me to be Toronto Carlos. Either way it’s still one person. 2 weeks in & I’m having a blast! Not that I don’t really wanna go back just yet BUT honestly I could get used to this. So many differences I could point out, but I won’t name them. I just know that Philippines Carlos is back in action, I surprise myself because I still know how to converse using Tagalog straight up! I think coming to Toronto taught me a lesson about long term goals & life in general. I think I made more sense too. I have a full month left! Gotta try to be productive every waking day!
I actually went to the gym today, kind of spaced out a little when I saw the equipment (not that I was complaining). Since my trip here has been going well so far, I decided that I should go & lift whenever I have a free day. I was doing some carrying & the owner of the gym came up to me & asked “first time bud?”, I was a little thrown off but I said “uhmm yes”. Then he actually showed me the ropes (not that I don’t know them already), and he was patient enough. What struck me the most is that the other guys in the gym were all so friendly, unlike what I get in Toronto, I mean they’re all good but there’s something about Filipino hospitality that draws you so familiar & you carry it around wherever you go. Maybe it’s just me BUT I kind of enjoyed that session.
Work-a-fucking-holic.
I realized something: out of the 31 days January has, I actually went to work 29 days & only had 2 off. That’s some bull you know? It definitely is worth it by the time I get my paycheck cause I’m frikken gonna buy stuff I want + I have more pocket money for my trip back home!!! Excited is more an understatement! Then again I think it’s taking its toll on me. Maybe I’m forgetting something important.
So I’m kinda becoming this heartless workaholic who actually still doesn’t care what time he’s supposed to sleep even if he has work the following day. I for one, wouldn’t want my life to be a routine, like that lead character in Stranger Than Fiction. I’d say it would definitely suck if that should happen, but as of now, it’s becoming that way. NO ME GUSTA! I have to do something about this because since the first day of the year, I’ve been stuck. I would of liked for something exciting to attend to, but since it’s winter there’s not much to do.
I’m excited for February because I will be going home! (For me, it’s still Manila)
Black&White: Take a minute, THIS IS GRACE
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
— Ephesians 2:8,9
The gospel is indeed a good news for whoever will hear it. Think of it this way, you don’t have to go and work but you’ll…
Source: criticalcess
Originally from Not So Critical
