Hurtful Verbal Garbage
It really does hurt, trust me.
Source: thialorei
Originally from Hymne à Mes Rêves.
I always feel like I’m struggling to become someone else. Like I’m trying to find a new place, grab hold of a new life, a new personality. I guess it’s part of growing up, yet it’s also an attempt to reinvent myself. By becoming a different me, I could free myself of everything. I seriously believed I could escape myself — as long as I made the effort. But I always hit a dead end. No matter where I go, I still end up me. What’s missing never changes.
South of the Border, West of the Sun - Haruki Murakami (via creatingaquietmind)
(via rowdysilhouettes)
Source: squeasel
Originally from Hell is other people
(via whataboutniko)
Source: free-your-mind
Originally from For Your Eyes Only
Here I go again writing what I feel. Letting the world know how much I’m struggling especially the past few days. I guess it’s good to have an outlet where you can just rant & vent but this is more like a life’s lesson learned post or whatnot. Okay, the instragram entry before this text post pretty much say it all. The blurred green dialog box & the grey one: FAWK MAN DON’T DO THAT BRO, U BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE. I actually decided to let this friend know how much I wanted him to stay at work, because his inner demons tell him he’s had enough. You can’t blame the guy, he started working there since he was 14. I guess this is me realizing the need to keep friendships that I know surely will last a lifetime, but when you’re faced with this kind of dilemma, it’s just so hard for both parties. A few weeks ago after my trip to Manila, I said goodbye again to my friends, it was so difficult but I didn’t wanna feel sad anymore because there’s nothing I could do about it. Then I come back here, seeing my friends & family again after 2 months, then HE HAS TO QUIT? That’s messed up. Another goodbye? Like I don’t get this. He’s actually one of the closest friends I have here, and we may not chill outside work as much but I’m positive that we’re G’s for life. I don’t want to hold him back that’s for sure, but I don’t want him gone too. I never felt this way towards anyone before man. I don’t wanna blame it on that girl he used to date too, she’s one of the reasons why he’s leaving because she screwed him over & we all WORK TOGETHER. So I guess keeping relationships in the workplace is difficult. I just don’t know what to do. If it’s hard for me, I’m sure it’s twice as stressful for him. I just wish he comes up with the best decision that he won’t regret. I need to stop being selfish.
I’m gonna set yall straight. Even though I feel delighted to manage my seating & everything at the airline’s website, I still am hurting inside that I’m leaving again. For the past 2 months I was here in the Philippines, seems I don’t quite know how to be the other version of myself again, I know. It’s sucky. I’m leaving in a few hours & I still haven’t finished packing. That’s how much I still wanna stay.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son”
Think back over the last few days, - how many times have you felt appreciation towards another? How many times have you thought about another: ‘what a lovely smile’, or ‘she is so nice’, or ‘such a kind man’, or any of a myriad of other appreciative thoughts. Did you express them? Did you come up to her and say: ‘you are so nice’? And why not? Why did you stop divine grace from flowing freely from your heart? Do you want to change the world to the better? This is it, this is how you start.
Song of the day: I Don’t Want To Wait- Paula Cole
We sang along to the chorus of this song. We realized that tonight may be our last together, for this year anyway. I didn’t watch an episode of Dawson’s Creek but I sure do feel connected to this song, with all the realizations of growing up, and life in a bigger picture. I will miss my friends…again.
My unpopular opinions.
I figured that since I’m not always part of the 99% of everything & being the 1% is kind of tough work, here are some thoughts about stuff I actually care or don’t care about.
- I don’t think Zooey Deschanel is funny at all. Too much quirkiness going on with her, it’s not even cute.
- American Idol this year is getting lamer & lamer. Not a fan of Philip Phillips anymore. Jessica is still my favorite.
- I have a really strong opinion on interracial dating which I’m not gonna further discuss because I might get bashed for it.
- While people from the Philippines believe that it’s better to move to another country to make money & be stable, I think that it’s okay to do that but you have to go back home because that I think is where our hearts always will be.
- I hate eggrolls.
- I am not a fan of ignorant trolls believing it’s not okay to be different. They just stick to being normal, I don’t think we should short change ourselves.
Time of your life.
Lately I’ve been hanging out with girls (not that it’s an issue or anything) & I must say I’m enjoying their company. They can be the meanest when we talk about other people but they say things that are supposed to be disclosed, unlike us guys we actually tend to keep shit inside, and involuntarily. We’re gonna lose our minds keeping all stuff in. Maybe that’s how we’re created.
We went to get some frappes & stated talking & talking! There were a bunch of teenagers beside our table & my friend Cess couldn’t help but eavesdrop! They were speaking English the whole time & for all we know they’re the underaged, sporty & horny ones. Then we strolled along High Street (Geez this place is the bomb, there’s nothing like it in Toronto ya knows). Then after that we shared some more stories & realizations about how life’s gonna turn out for each & every one of us. Thing is, my friends are on their way to something bright because they’re graduating & I’m not because I chose a certain way of living (I feel left out but I’m really happy for them, that’s what matters).
Best part of the night? We ran around the fountain & got soaking wet. All out of impulse. And we’re gonna do it again tomorrow night!!! If you’re at High Street tomorrow at 6-ish & you see a bunch of kids dancing around looking all crazy & stupid, I am one of them. Say hello okay?
Okay I’m gonna set yall straight. I went back to Manila for a number of valid reasons: I miss my grandma so much, I wanna take a break from the routine I have back in Toronto, I wanna see my friends & relatives, and because I want a sign whether God wants me here or he wants He wants me to be Toronto Carlos. Either way it’s still one person. 2 weeks in & I’m having a blast! Not that I don’t really wanna go back just yet BUT honestly I could get used to this. So many differences I could point out, but I won’t name them. I just know that Philippines Carlos is back in action, I surprise myself because I still know how to converse using Tagalog straight up! I think coming to Toronto taught me a lesson about long term goals & life in general. I think I made more sense too. I have a full month left! Gotta try to be productive every waking day!
Stupid? Stupid is watching all of your friends make plans for the future and realizing you have none at all. No plans, no college, nowhere to go.
Rachel Berry (so relevant right now, my friends are graduating & I’m not cause I chose to live a certain way. No regrets.)
Unless you know how to set boundaries to form your safe space, you will always be concerned that saying ‘yes’ might put you in danger. So you will always pull back a little from saying ‘yes’ with your whole heart. Paradoxically, knowing how to say ‘no’ to form boundaries gives much more power to your ‘yes’.
Work-a-fucking-holic.
I realized something: out of the 31 days January has, I actually went to work 29 days & only had 2 off. That’s some bull you know? It definitely is worth it by the time I get my paycheck cause I’m frikken gonna buy stuff I want + I have more pocket money for my trip back home!!! Excited is more an understatement! Then again I think it’s taking its toll on me. Maybe I’m forgetting something important.
Have you ever looked at someone,
and wished that you had met them much sooner?
When you look back at all those days and wonder how life was like before they came in to it. When you remember all the days you didn’t speak to them, or was afraid to let them get to know the real you, it sort of hits you that you wasted so much of the little time you have left. So much that you can’t get back.
Source: smileaboutsomething
Originally from Halcyon
